Today my father was buried.

I was not there.

At 10:30 am my time, they stood at the cemetery while I was somewhere else,working and trying to move through a normal day,

I knew what time it was.

I stopped for a moment and said what I needed to say in my own way.

Whatever happened between us, I have always loved you. I wish I had felt loved in return.

That was my goodbye.

I did not stand by the grave. I did not hear the final words. I did not watch a casket lowered into the ground.

But I was still there in the only way I could be

Being there is not always about standing in the same place.

Sometimes being there is holding the truth of the relationship in your own heart.

Today felt like the end of something that been hanging in the air for a long time.

The funeral is over. The burial is over.

There are no more dates to brace for.

No more ceremonies I cannot attend.

Just the quiet that comes afterward.

Whatever happened between us he was my father.

And I was his daughter.

That part is finished in one way.

And in another way, it will always remain.

—Kellie